\u201cIt\u2019s like prepping for a job interview.\u201d Bartholomew* is explaining how he set up his dating app profile. He goes on to say that it\u2019s important to highlight the most appealing things about yourself and your personality to get good matches.<\/p>\n
We\u2019re all familiar with what this looks like: finding pictures with your most flattering camera angles, carefully selecting your best travel story, or asking your friends whether the joke in your bio is actually funny.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, these aren\u2019t the only concerns–some people on dating apps assume that because someone has a profile or shares a few details about themselves that it\u2019s okay to send sexually explicit messages without getting consent. It\u2019s not.<\/p>\n
bTorey has used dating apps for years, and said that she is intentionally very cautious and covered up on her profile. She\u2019s made these choices as a \u201cdefense mechanism,\u201d because she\u2019s worried that presenting herself differently might lead to sexual comments or harassment. She\u2019s concerned that her matches might believe she is consenting to sexual conversations or activity if her profile is racier than PG.<\/p>\n
Cee* echoed that she has carefully selected the images on her profile so as not to seem like she wanted to hook up. Unfortunately, this has actively limited her ability to present herself fully: \u201cI was a swimmer in college, and had a picture of myself competing in a one-piece.\u201d The picture got so many comments, specifically about her body (rather than her athletic interests), that she decided, \u201cthey don\u2019t have to see my body.\u201d She was particularly self-conscious because some of her friends had experienced sexual violence in the past. A similar picture that showed less of her body got significantly less attention on the app. Cee feels like her matches thought that because she showed a photo of herself in a swimsuit, they were entitled to discuss her body or share sexual comments.<\/p>\n
Elaine\u2019s* profile dared to be more flirtatious. In her bio, she created a pros and cons list for dating her. The cons: that she was a Patriots fan and a vegetarian and didn\u2019t like beer. The pros: that she had a \u201cnice butt, and might let you touch it.\u201d She said that because of this one coy comment, she received numerous graphic and sexual invitations. She said her matches appeared to feel entitled to her consent for this behavior simply because of one flirtatious line, and because she was on a dating app at all.<\/p>\n
Lilly* said that she wanted her profile pictures to look \u201cpretty, but not overtly sexy.\u201d She avoided photos taken in clubs, or where she was wearing more revealing clothes. When asked why, Lilly was clear: \u201cI\u2019ll be objectified if I seem sexy or like partying; I won\u2019t be an equal.\u201d In Lilly\u2019s experience, she could only be taken seriously, or seen as intelligent, if she were more covered up. In an effort to prevent this objectification and harassment, she\u2019s chosen not to share her love of dancing, nightlife, or social engagements on her profile. Sometimes, that still isn\u2019t enough.<\/p>\n
Lilly belonged to a dating app known for more casual connections. When matches sent her unsolicited sexual comments and invitations, she sometimes complained, and sometimes didn\u2019t respond. Matches would reply that she did not have the right to be surprised or offended, or to refuse. Echoing Elaine\u2019s experiences, they felt entitled to these conversations because Lilly had an account on the app at all.<\/p>\n
Sometimes, even a person\u2019s identity can be assumed to guarantee consent. Erica* said that her matches sometimes issued graphic sexual invitations solely based on the fact that she identified as bisexual in her profile. These matches never asked for her consent, instead assuming that her openness about her sexual orientation somehow justified graphic advances.<\/p>\n
This is not okay. It\u2019s important to realize that a dating profile is never \u2018asking for\u2019 sexual invitations or conversations, no matter what platform it\u2019s on. On their own, no photo or aspect of a public dating profile amounts to consent for sexual activity or sexualized comments; you should have clear permission before sending those kinds of messages.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve received unwanted messages, remember that you have the option to block and report the user. This feedback can help dating apps identify bad actors and remove them for violating community guidelines.<\/p>\n
You can show your commitment to real consent, and your desire for matches who are similarly committed, by sharing\u00a0#ConnectRespect<\/strong>\u00a0on your dating profiles.<\/p>\n *Name changed at their request.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cIt\u2019s like prepping for a job interview.\u201d Bartholomew* is explaining how he set up his dating app profile. He […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":538,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-537","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-partnerships","category-single-trust-and-safety"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mtch.com\/jp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/537","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mtch.com\/jp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mtch.com\/jp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mtch.com\/jp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mtch.com\/jp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=537"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mtch.com\/jp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/537\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mtch.com\/jp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/538"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mtch.com\/jp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=537"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mtch.com\/jp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=537"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mtch.com\/jp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=537"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}